Guess I forgot about this blog thing

Just relalized after finding my old siggy that I had forgotten about the blog I had started. I guess I have just been so caught up since that last RE consultation that I forgot. Good thing is, I have been so busy because we are expecting! After my RE visit, I ordered all of my meds and was told to call on CD1. Well, that day never came, because we got a surprise BFP!

I am 26 weeks as of today and due December 2nd with a little girl. We are naming her Eleanore "Nora" Jeane, after my grandmother and aunt.

Nana is so darn excited! I can't wait for her to meet Nora. I just wish my aunt Jeanie were her to meet her too. She would have eaten her up. Funny and odd thing is, I am due on what will be the 20th anniversary of her passing. I think she was really looking down on me.

I remember one day last summer while going through treatments, I saw an eagle fly over our house. We live in the city, so that was very odd. I then saw that same eagle (or so I think it was) flying over the river as I was on the highway later that day. I know that was my aunt, because "On Eagle's Wings" was her favorite song.

I can't thank her enough for this amazing blessing.

Game On!

Yesterday's RE appointment went great! I was so nervous that we would be starting over, but she literally picked up where we left off. No additional testing needed for now. It was such a relief! Next month she just wants to adjust my meds a little bit, but we will be on the road to IUI #3. Third time is the charm, right? I am on CD15 today and my OPKs seem to be getting a little darker. We will take that long shot this month, but things are certainly looking up for March.

Dun dun duuuun

Today is the 25th, so my lucky day, right? Gosh I hope so! I just need to get through these next few hours at work and I will be off to Madison to meet with the new RE. I am scared shitless. I know this is a step in the right direction, but I hate feeling like we are starting all over. Like all of this time was for nothing. I just really hope that this new doctor has some ideas and answers. I just feel like my last doctor was missing something. I don't know what that something is, but there has to be something. Right? No one wants to have something actually wrong with them, but at this point, unexplained IF is a pain in the ass. I feel like we are always playing the Grand Prize game on the Bozo Show. Just tossing a ball into a bucket and hoping it doesn't bounce out. It is about time that that ball stays put. I want to be the Grand Prize winner. I think we damn well deserve it.

TGIF!

Does Bumping and playing Angry Birds all day count as a busy day? Damn you Space level 4-18!

Shopping!!!

So it is no secret that I have a shopping addiction. When Greg and I started TTC a few years ago, we would buy baby things here and there. It made me really excited to do this. As the journey got longer and longer, I would find comfort in going baby shopping. I would get everything from clothes and diapers, to a stroller and carseat.

I was feeling really down yesterday, so I decided to go shopping. I went to Kohl's on my lunch break and as I approached the baby section, something came over me. I started to have a serious nervous breakdown. I started to sweat, shake and my eyes welled up with tears. There were 2 moms with babies in the section and I avoided them like the plague. I finally decided on a cute sleeper and matching bib and got the hell out of there as fast as I could. It was just so strange, because I have never felt like that before. I normally love buying baby things. Maybe it is the sign that I need to stop? Eh, probably not. :)

Starting Over

I never thought I would be writing a blog, but lately my emotions have gotten the best of me. Maybe this will give me an out for my feelings.

I may not be "starting over" per say, but that is how this journey feels right now. My appointment with a new RE is in 5 days and I am freaking out. I am nervous that we have gotten this far and she will want to start from square one. I am probably overreacting, which I certainly hope is true.

The days lately have seemed so long. It has been 2 weeks since the dreaded beta hell started and will be 2 weeks on Friday since we got the bad news. I just don't feel like myself. Spending the weekend in Chicago really helped to clear my mind, but it was only a band-aid. Now that I am back to reality, I have zero motivation. I am so sick and tired of this road and wish there were a detour. I feel like every direction we have gone has lead to a dead end. Just when I started to feel like we were getting somewhere, this happens.

Greg has been talking about getting his sleeve finished soon. It has been tradition for us that when one gets a new tat, the other gets one too. I am sort of itching for a new one, even though after getting my rib cage done last year I vowed to never go through that again. Tattoos are addicting, what more can I say? I am really thinking about getting something small, to remember this baby that we just lost. Then again, do I want that always weighing on my mind? Maybe something IF related. Although IF is something I want to forget too. Ugh decisions.